I remember telling a coworker about my weekend and how on one night Adan fell asleep on the couch. She was taken back and immediately asked me if we were fighting, or trying to work something out. I looked at her puzzled because this isn’t a rare occurrence — sometimes he dozes off on the couch, and I don’t bother to wake him up. If he’s fallen asleep before making it to the bedroom, he really needs sleep. I kind of laughed to myself and thought about all the times we’ve fought and how we always sleep next to each other, and usually end up making up before morning; and then thought about the times we’ve slept apart, which has always been the result of one of us (usually Adan) being too tired to move.
When we fight, it’s usually a misunderstanding because all the relevant information hasn’t been revealed yet. This doesn’t mean I don’t want to see him or sleep apart; it definitely means we need time to cool off, but when we’re ready to make up, we want each other close.
When he falls asleep on the couch, it’s good for both of us. He usually gets a full night of undisturbed sleep because I tend to be a restless, light sleeper who sometimes wakes him up for snoring; and I get the big bed to myself to stretch out and do the nightly sleeping dance ritual I’ve perfected over the years.
It’s weird to me to think that people can have their own interests in a relationship, maybe even their own set of friends, but when it comes to sleeping apart for a night, it’s almost taboo. Like being in a healthy relationship requires you to be by their side day and night, and if you aren’t, there’s a cog in the wheel.
Sometimes we sleep apart, and that’s okay.